Random Writings and Photos

Random thoughts and/or photos

He was survived by two cats

Posted by O'Maolchaithaigh on August 30, 2011

I have such an odd feeling, as though I have no future. I have cleaned up my house, put things away, and find myself thinking that it is ready for the estate sale after I die. It keeps running through my head that I haven’t much time left. Last night I even thought that my due date is coming up sooner than later. All bills are paid for the month. Rent check, book I sold, and Netflix movie are all in the mail.

I watched The Man Who Wasn’t There last night.  Perhaps it influenced me too much. In identifying with the protagonist, I ended up being depressed. Of course, I never have to dig too deep to find such feelings. Been that way for some time now. I don’t feel sad as such. I just have this gut feeling that I will die soon. I kept getting the idea running through my head last night that once I leave my house today I will never return. That could mean different things, but it’s hard to imagine not returning to my house if I’m still alive.

I hope someone takes care of my cats.

5 Responses to “He was survived by two cats”

  1. Amy said

    Do the days get much shorter in the winter, where you are? I’ve noticed a slight streak of melancholy darkening my thoughts beginning in late August, as the days become noticeably shorter–I begin lose the sunny optimism I have around the summer solstice. On good days I’m merely sentimental; I listen to Clannad and bake cookies–but on the bad days my inner narrative becomes a bit bleak. I get the winter blues in Massachusetts and also had them in Virginia–but I never lived as far south as you are.

    Would you feel better if you found a “godparent” for your cats–if you made arrangements with someone to take care of them in the event of your death or incapacitation?

  2. Amy said

    Hmm–I think I know where you are.

    Funny, there were two kittens in the yard today I’d never seen before. They were obviously brothers–a friendly black kitten and a skittish gray kitten, like my two cats (the black one died this past spring–both gone now). They were clean and well-fed, so I presume they live in a house nearby. Hope they visit again.

    Hope you find reasons for optimism while you are away.

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